Chilly 9/30/09

Hello snuggles,

It's just before October and the autumn chill has come in. Walking home tonight I knew that all that was missing was getting under a blanket with you when I got home. It's the kind of night where we'd leave the window open a little bit, and end up so close to each other under the comforter. I just love sleeping in a room that's cold but a bed that's warm, and you would be the ultimate bedwarmer. I think I just realized that for me, if I should have a near death experience and was in a dream-like happy place, it'd be in bed with you on a night like this. Feeling your soft warm body snuggle up closer and closer (even when it seems we can't be closer). Come visit me soon in my bed on a night like this.

Yours Truly

Rip it up 9/29/09

Please forget anything I've said to you before.

Please forget all the letters, all the emails all the texts.

Forget the whispers and the shouts.

Forget the rain and the fireworks.

They are all inadequate when I think about you. Like trying to wrap words around infinity, nothing can contain how unbelievable you are and how much I love you. There's just no way. I'm very sorry, but you are beyond words, thoughts, ideas, even my feelings immense though they are, seem meager next to your amazing being. Sometimes I can't even believe that YOU can contain so much wonder, enchantment, beauty, perfection. I almost expect when I look at you, to see your edges get fuzzy struggling to keep the infinity of this most wonderful girl within its concrete bounds.

So, I know you enjoy my little missives, but I'm afraid they just won't do. You deserve to be told how fantastic you are with the same vastness, precision, perfection, the same ever emerging fractal complexity with which you do everything. Lifting your finger, or turning your head, is a greater proof that God exists than all the writings of the sages, all the natural wonders of the world.

And I get to kiss and hold you. I get to call you mine.

Yours Truly

All yours 9/28/09

Good evening my darling,

I love you my sweet. I talked to you this evening and dished everything I was saving for this letter. About imagining my future with you. My impatience with being with you, now, and forever. How amazing you are. How happy I am that I met you. How everything I do I want you to be totally a part of. I had it all planned for this letter, but I couldn't hold back. I never can for you. I will never hold back from you or for you. Everything I have and will have, everything I know and will know, everything I am and will be is yours, or, at the very least, here for you when you need it.

Yours Truly

Composed Drunk at Midnight 9/25-26/09

Well...

Here it is. Your 50th Love Letter. Composed drunk. Far too early in the night. I drink too early cause I miss you so much. I come home too early cause I miss you so much. You are my sun and my moon. You are all I want and all I need. I had 6 drinks for you tonight, (and 1 for myself) and I paid for god knows how many for other people. I just wanna be with you again. As astounding as it is that I stuck with this little experiment through 50 love letters, every day I realize that I could easily right 50, 100, 200 more. You are just too amazing for words. I hope that, no matter what happens, for the rest of your life you know how amazing you are. I hope that you love yourself, even half as much as I love you (thinking about that put a big smile on my face).

Yours Truly

Opportunity 9/24/09

Hi Honey,

It's been a hectic and exciting few days. I'm already looking towards the weekend. When it rains it pours. I'm so happy for you with all the exciting little whispers going on around you. I know nothing is for sure, but still you are so freaking awesome. I have to say I've always had a knack for finding amazing opportunities, but this was always a problem in past relationships. I was with people who were in some way stuck, and couldn't find a way out, while I have always been a magnet for my next big opportunity. It's such a breath of fresh air to be able to get excited about this with you, and not be worried to get too excited. With you and me there will always be more and more and more. If not this one then another hundred or so, right honey? I've been so busy at work lately a ten hour day yesterday, eleven and a half hour day today. I feel like I haven't had a chance to really check in with you. Find out if you know anymore about this stuff, or just even how you're feeling in general. In a way being busy has been nice, taking my mind off of how much I miss you (only the littlest bit, really, but a relief nonetheless), but once the busy-ness ends, all I want is you. Not pizza. Not rest. Not a puppy.

I want you.

Thanks for being such an utterly amazing woman.

Yours Truly

Beyond the Blog 9/23/09

Good evening my Love,

Another day, another blank page.  Another cursor blinking at me.  I know we talk about the future far too much, but I think the love letters kind of have to have a dreamy fantastic quality.  In any even, I am looking forward to us becoming closer, spending more time together.  As lovely as it is to put these love letters up on this blog for all (really only you, let's be honest no one else is reading this) to see, I have far more fun plans in mind for the love letters to come.  Think about how many coat pockets you have to have little love notes stuffed in.  How many pairs of shoes (oh goodness) you could find my little attempts to show you how much you mean to me.  I could write it in hot sauce on your eggs, or laminate them and put it into your sandwich.  At the very least your little paper bag lunch would have a note in there no doubt!  I could write you a little novella about what you do to me, and how unbelievable and amazing you are (you are the most amazing) and chop it up, slide it in sections between the pages of the book your reading.  I know you really love this blog, but honestly sweetheart, this is the watered down version of what's in store.

Yours Truly

Impatience 9/22/09

WHAT THE HELL?!

WHY DO I HAVE TO DO SO MUCH WAITING?!

WHY ARE WE NOT AT EACH OTHER'S SIDES?!

WHY ARE WE NOT COMING HOME TO ONE ANOTHER?!

WHY IS MY BED NOT YOUR BED?!

I simply can't deal anymore.  The more I think about how wonderful our future together is going to be the more I cannot stand twiddling my thumbs knowing that the only thing that can complete me in the whole wide world is out there.  You are the most beautiful wonderful thing I have ever known and frankly I will not be happy until my life is totally yours.  Till you are mine.  

I cannot wait until the day that I can't remember what life was like without you.  Just the idea of that is the sweetest thing I can think of (other than you, of course).

Yours Truly

No more love letters? 9/21/09

Evening my love,

Maybe my point isn't getting across. I love you with absolutely everything I have and then some.  I would follow you to the heart of the sun.  I think this dinky little blog and these dinky little love letters are not making it clear to you how utterly profound and consuming my love is.  I think we may have to trade this in for a love-poem a day (with maybe the occasional erotic limerick thrown in). Maybe I should draw you a love picture every day and pt it up.  Maybe I should have a love-twitter so you know every time my little heart sings out your name.  Maybe you should have a love song a day.  The fact is, I just want you all day every day, and if you feel what I feel, then nothing, no token, heartfelt though it may be, can replace being together.  I miss my place right beside you.

All my love.

Yours truly

A Shirt 9/20/09

Good morning,

I love thinking about you sleeping in that shirt I gave you. I love thinking about your hands peaking out of the undone cuffs. I picture the shirt-tails just barely covering that adorable butt of yours (I would argue the cutest butt in the world). I imagine the soft fabric at the bottom caressing your thighs as you move the way I wish I could. I imagine your breasts, those big beautiful perfect breasts putting a generous amount of pressure on the buttons, or if not, attempting an escape where you've unbottoned the shirt. Either way your perfectly proportioned nipples will be pressing through the soft cotton. Finally, the collar will be guarding your incredibly sexy neck. How can a neck be so sexy? Your hair in turn will thank the collar all night as you move in your sleep; sliding silkily against it.

Wow, never thought I'd wish I were a shirt.

Yours Truly

Confused Rant 9/20/09

Good Evening,

I don't know what is going on with me lately. On one hand, I cannot stop thinking about you, which is kind of wonderful. On the other hand, I think I'm getting to that place of really missing you, really needing you. I hope it doesn't bother you too much. I just need you more and more. Every day i see more and more how amazing you are. Everyday you look even more beautiful. I just... I don't know what to do with myself. I get these tiny pangs of fear or something, and I don't know why. I trust you so much, and know how much you love me. I think it's just a symptom of the withdrawal. There does seem to be a pattern when we say goodbye, for me, at least. At first I'm inconsolably sad. Then I kinda get better for about a week and feel positive and like it'll all be fine. Then I get to this weird fearful place. I hope this part goes away. I hope you know that it comes from a place that deep down absolutely adores you and knows how utterly precious you are. I just need you now on such a deep level. i do feel more and more connected to you. You're on my mind more and more. I just, need to find a way to foster that connection, and tend to that mindfulness in a way that makes me happy and maybe helps make you even happier. I know that we will figure this out because we are so great with each other. I'm so happy to have you. You are my joy. I love you with all of my heart, and I can't wait to see that million-dollar smile again.

Yours Truly

Not Alone 9/17/09

I am a very lucky boy.

I'm going through a rough few days, but I'm not alone. That's really nice. I know you're in the middle of your own little tornado, but through everything we are there for one another. Even though we're running around and may feel like we're up against a lot there is this amazing feeling that, really, the most important thing in my life is still so wonderful. I love hearing about the way you are navigating all of the stress and unbelievable obstacles that are in your way. I just can't wait 'til we are really together and our abilities and ultimately love and care for each other allow us to take on any challenge. We are together even when we're apart. Now and forever.

Yours Truly

Prince Charming 9/15/09

Good evening sweetheart,

I wish so much I could be your Prince Charming. I wish I could take you in my arms and kiss you and let all your worries and problems float away. Or at the very least I can make it so that when you encounter an obstacle we cruise right through it like it's nothing. I wish when you got overwhelmed that I could put my hands on your shoulders and kiss the top of your head, and just hear in your breath the stress melting away. I wanna be there to find the things you lose, because you lose things a lot, and no one is better than me at finding them. I wanna be there when you bump yourself to make sure you get enough kisses so you feel all better. I dunno, I know I can't be your real Prince Charming, but I hope that I can find more and more ways to make your life easier, happier, more smiley.

Yours Truly

Thank You 9/14/09

Thanks,

I don't know what you've done, but it's opened me up in such an amazing way.  First of all, I don't think I've ever been this honest with anyone, including myself.  It's really great to be able to tell you absolutely everything.  In a way, I think the way you love me has made me feel like parts of myself I didn't like are actually ok.  How amazing is that to have done for someone?  And that's just the beginning.  I just feel like I'm more in touch with me, and somehow being with you has really allowed me to be the man that I want to be, that I hoped I was.  That's not all.  Since being with you, it's like all my creative juices started flowing again.  I think the last time I wrote anything creatively, was three years ago.  Not that I was ever really a writer.  But now I cannot stop.  For all the time we spend talking or emailing, there's always more I have to share with you, gush to you, confide to you.  Thank goodness for these letters or I think I'd explode.  But, as you know it's not stopping here.  I'm just so happy and thankful, not just for you.  You on your own would be more than enough.  I mean, you are coolest, hottest, nicest girl I've ever met.  I'm also just so thankful for what you have somehow unlocked for me, in me.  

Thank you from the very bottom of my heart and soul.

Yours Truly

Not the post 9/11/09

This is not the post I want to write to you.

The post I want to write to you, I could never put out to the world. I blush at the thought of doing anything but whispering to you the ways that I desire you. The unquenchable thirst, like a fire that needs only itself to burn, and does so brighter and hotter with every second. I would never ever write what I dream to do to you, with you, the very instant I see you next. Nor would I share my most aching fantasies, whose thoughts alone inspire a wanting that borders on pain. I couldn't bare to numerate the ways I would arouse you for what feels like an eternity before giving in to that which we both crave when we look at one another. You have no idea the multitude of ways I desire you, and you may never. I may never be able to express or even fulfill all the ways I want to put out the fire that burns in my body with the smooth coolness that flows through yours.

Or maybe when I finally have you, and can do all these things that I can only barely whisper, it'll turn out that my fire is our fire, and we'll burn up together.

Yours Truly

How? 9/10/09

How?!

How can I love someone this much?  How can I miss someone this much?  How can the littlest thing you do be such a delight?  How can just being with you be the most profound and simple joy? How can being away from you be such an inconsolable sorrow?  How can the special things you do for me be so you, and so me?  How the hell did I go so long without you in my life, nevertheless my heart? How do I talk about you constantly?  More importantly, how do all my friends put up with it? How cold I possibly find anything else worth talking about? How can someone who doesn't believe in soul mates or "the one" be so sure he found his soul mate, his one?

How do I survive a minute apart from you?

How can I tell you the depth of my love?

Yours Truly

More 9/9/09

My Love,

I never get enough.  I feel like a little brat. No matter how much of you I get, I always want a little more.  I want just one more kiss, one more hug, one more moment holding your hand.  I just want one more smile from you, another giggle, another look from your shining eyes.  When it comes to you, I always want just a little more. Each little thing you are, and each little thing you do, I want a little bit more.  It's a hunger that is always there, and the more I get the more I know I want more of it.  Just sitting next to you, even when you're doing something else I feel so happy and then I put my hand around your shoulder, and I want more of that and then I kiss you and I want more of that. More more more please, just one more little morsel of life with you. Please?!

Yours Truly

Lucky? 9/2/09

Hi kiddo,

I saw some pictures of you from a night out.  First of all, it goes without saying that you look absolutely gorgeous in each and every one.  What was weird though was that, I saw these people you were out with, and kinda wondered what you were doing with me.  I know you love me, I do.  Before I go on, I want to say this feeling is not the predominant one, but I do wanna share it. I just wonder, when there are so many cool, interesting, handsome men in your life, why you'd want a boy like me.  I know we have our connection, but I guess what I'm trying to say is this:  You really could have whomever you want.  I know people say that all the time, but you really have the beauty, personality, and charms to win over anyone's heart.  I just have to wonder, of all the guys in this big ol' world, how'd I get so lucky.  I know I'm a good guy, nice, etc. etc. but to have someone as amazing as you, I must be beyond lucky.

Yours Truly

Before You? 9/1/09

Sweetheart-

I wonder, when I look back on my life how I will discuss the years before I met you. A lot of stuff happened that, at the time seemed very important. There was school and family, and girls, and jobs, and hobbies, and national events... but really, what could they all matter once I know that there's a You. How can much else matter, when my heart, mind, and body have all in a short while turned towards you? If anything, the first years of my life will be a prologue, like the part of a plants life when all the growing is underground, and Chapter 1 will be when I finally meet you and burst from the earth to first feel the warmth of the sun. Given such a wondrous and beautiful beginning (your smile, an initial tug on my heart string, a whirlwind affair, but one with deep care and sensitivity) how could this story be anything but beautiful? I feel (and hope this doesn't sound like narcissism) that this story might only be challenged in beauty by you, my love.

Yours Truly