Confused Rant 9/20/09

Good Evening,

I don't know what is going on with me lately. On one hand, I cannot stop thinking about you, which is kind of wonderful. On the other hand, I think I'm getting to that place of really missing you, really needing you. I hope it doesn't bother you too much. I just need you more and more. Every day i see more and more how amazing you are. Everyday you look even more beautiful. I just... I don't know what to do with myself. I get these tiny pangs of fear or something, and I don't know why. I trust you so much, and know how much you love me. I think it's just a symptom of the withdrawal. There does seem to be a pattern when we say goodbye, for me, at least. At first I'm inconsolably sad. Then I kinda get better for about a week and feel positive and like it'll all be fine. Then I get to this weird fearful place. I hope this part goes away. I hope you know that it comes from a place that deep down absolutely adores you and knows how utterly precious you are. I just need you now on such a deep level. i do feel more and more connected to you. You're on my mind more and more. I just, need to find a way to foster that connection, and tend to that mindfulness in a way that makes me happy and maybe helps make you even happier. I know that we will figure this out because we are so great with each other. I'm so happy to have you. You are my joy. I love you with all of my heart, and I can't wait to see that million-dollar smile again.

Yours Truly